


He Hates Her

by eminy_g



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-03-20 14:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3653472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eminy_g/pseuds/eminy_g
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper hates Clarke.</p><p>Clarke didn't save Maya. Clarke is supposed to save everyone. So Jasper hates her.</p><p>-A Jasper POV of the events from Day 1 onwards, his unwarranted hatred, and maybe him overcoming the hatred and moving on.... a two-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> So there is all this dependence on Clarke from lots of different characters and people expecting her to be perfect and to save everyone. Some of it is healthy co-reliance, some of it is not. I thought I'd look at one of those people. But don't worry in part II, Jasper might just come around...

Jasper hated Clarke. He hated Clarke. He hated hated hated her. 

It wasn’t fair. She went around saving everyone, but she didn’t save Maya. From Day 1 on Earth, Clarke has always been concerned with saving people. Hell, she was concerned with it back on the Ark which got her locked up. So it wasn’t fair that Clarke did not save Maya.

Jasper grew up with hardworking but absent parents. Thus, his friendship with Monty. They made each other happy and kept their mutual but unvoiced fear of being alone at bay. Drugs also helped to keep that fear away. 

Jasper didn’t even really mind being locked up in prison. Yeah, his impending death at eighteen was a serious downer, but he was in a cell next to Monty and some other cool guys, like this guy named Finn. Finn was seriously cool, like badass and you just like wanted to be his friend. So they became friends. And Jasper was never alone. 

Then, they went to Earth. Oh lord, Octavia was gorgeous. She was something of myth in the prison, but damn, they never mentioned how goddamn stunning she was. Even reminiscing about his first time seeing Octavia has him tripping on his words. 

The other myth of Skybox was the golden haired girl from Phoenix in solitary. All the delinquents called her Princess because well she was Ark royalty locked up like Princess Rapunzel. Jasper, Monty and Finn used to try and guess why she had been locked away. 

On Earth, he met her looking over a map. He made some comment about going to a bar, mostly because he just wanted to talk to her. Even he knew that he would never be her prince, not with Wells, and Finn around. 

He didn’t hate her then. How could he? Clarke wanted to find food and shelter for the delinquents. She wanted to help. So Jasper helped, too. He wasn’t alone. He had Clarke, Monty, Finn and Octavia. They all went on their little mission together. And Jasper wasn’t alone, which was all he really cared about. Of course, saving Octavia was quite the bonus. And for a little while, he allowed himself to think there might actually be a chance there. 

Jasper doesn’t remember much of when he was speared. Nor does he want to. He remembers the cheers of his friends, god he was so happy to have friends, and he remembers the Mount Weather Sign, and he remembers pain. Lots of pain. So much pain. 

He remembers thinking … This is the end. Goddamn this hurts. I hope Monty is okay. Wait who the fuck hit me with a spear? 

And then nothing. 

And then hot pain. Searing pain. Burning. Ugh, the smell. He won’t ever forget the smell. Burning flesh. It didn’t occur to him much later that it was his own skin he smelled. 

And he was alone. And tied up. And alone. And going to die. And fuck this. He just got to Earth. He hasn’t even kissed a girl yet. 

And then nothing again.

“… I guess we’re gonna have to get used to people dying down here. But not you, you’re not going to die.” A soft voice said, and something else soft was stroking his face. So much soft, but still so much pain. 

And nothingness again.

But then, something. Are they drinking whiskey? He had never had actual whiskey, but he is sure alcohol of any kind might numb his pain. 

“Can I get a hit of that?” his voice creaks.

“Jasper!” Monty, Finn and Octavia rush over. Finn grabs a makeshift water bottle on the way over. 

“Why don’t you start with some of the soft stuff?” Jasper took of sip of the water. Earth water was so much better than space water. That was for sure. “Welcome back buddy.”

Jasper looked at their smiles. They were so happy to see him. Monty grabbed his hand. He was not alone. He wanted to make them smile more. “Was that a dream, or did I get speared?”

“You’ll have a very impressive scar to prove it.” Clarke popped out of nowhere, though she probably just came up the hatch. Jasper was still pretty out of it, but he couldn’t help the smile the creeped onto his face. He didn’t hate her yet. In fact she was---

“My savior!” he said through a grin. But Clarke still had pain in her eyes. 

She thanks him for not dying. She says she probably couldn’t have handled it that day. Which only fueled his curiosity. She was so strong. She fought for his life. She fought for them all. Jasper was pretty sure she could handle anything. So he made another joke. He made them smile. He was not alone. He drifted off to sleep with Monty and Clarke holding his hands, Octavia touching his leg, and Finn by his shoulder. He was not alone. 

Then everything went to shit. Wells died. Clarke couldn’t save him. She couldn’t save Murphy from the camp. She couldn’t save Charlotte. But Jasper still didn’t hate her. He could see that it wasn’t her fault. She needed to be cared for, so she could keep saving them all. Finn loved Clarke. 

But then Finn also loved Raven. Clarke was hurt. Jasper was mad at Finn. Finn hurt their savior. Finn hurt Clarke. And Jasper loved Clarke. She was like the best older sister. She was kind of like a mom. So he called her that, not to her face of course. 

Jasper liked Bellamy. He liked that somehow he started to care for Clarke like Jasper cared for Clarke. They both seemed to notice that she would forget to take care of herself. Bellamy encouraged Clarke to have fun on Unity Day. He told her that she deserved it. Jasper agreed with Bellamy and then agreed with Clarke when she said he deserved it too. So he started calling Bellamy, Dad. Once again, he wouldn’t dare do it to his face. 

Raven was cool, too. And as much as Jasper was mad at Finn, he forgave him. There was too much happening every single day to stay mad at him. Clarke understood this too. If they wanted to survive, they all needed to work together. 

There were times when Jasper got to protect Clarke, like when she met with the Grounder Princess on the bridge. He shot the grounder with the arrows in the trees. He felt proud when she thanked him later on.

When everyone got sick, it was really scary. Especially in the beginning. When Clarke’s eyes were bleeding it felt like it was all over. The camp needed her to survive. Not just because she could stitch a wound up. They needed her to push Bellamy in the right direction. Bellamy would get too distracted by his sister or his honor, though he was getting much better about thinking about the whole camp.

But then Bellamy took it too far. Clarke, Finn and Myles had gone out hunting and never came back. And then their search party looking for them came back with an arrow ridden Myles and without Monty. Jasper was furious at Bellamy. It was absolutely fucking mental that he wasn’t going after Clarke and Finn and Monty. It was Clarke and Finn and Monty! They were Jasper’s best friends in the camp. Not to mention they were vital to keeping the camp alive.

Bellamy thought they would all get killed looking for them. Jasper hated this. He hated being alone and insignificant. So he rudely followed Bellamy’s orders. If that was such a thing. 

Murphy. Fucking Murphy. He killed Myles, and kept Jasper hostage. Great. He was going to die by the gun of a psychopath that they had already banished once from camp. Bellamy decided to be a fucking martyr though and trade places with Jas. 

Sure. Jasper thought, now he decides to have a heart. 

Though once all is done and over, Jasper can’t help but hug Bellamy. He really was far from “Whatever the hell we want.” Bellamy admitted he was wrong and right before they could even finishing planning a rescue for his friends, Clarke and Finn were spotted outside the south wall. 

Because it was Clarke. She didn’t need them to save her. She fucking saved herself. Jasper thought she was pretty badass. Because again, he didn’t hate her yet. 

Monty wasn’t back though, but they didn’t have time to worry about it. Apparently there was a huge ass grounder army headed to kill them all. They plan to leave. But of course you know what they say, the best laid plans… 

Jasper could hardly believe he got the rocket to launch. Not launch, but do the fiery bit of launching off. See he can’t even explain it well! The point is they’d be fucked without Raven alive. She just couldn’t die. Clarke was freaking out. Miller kept pacing by the door. They really weren’t sure when it’d be safe to go outside. Clarke seemed about ready to bust out. Jasper figured she was worried about those who didn’t make it in. Like Finn and Bellamy. But Jasper didn’t want to think about them, not yet. He’d mourn their loss later. He had to watch Anya. Why was he in charge of the grounder princess? He doesn’t know, but suspects it has to do with everyone else being distracted. 

It was like death outside. Black and smoke. Then orange smoke?

He woke up in a white room. Alone. Fuck. He hated being alone. He needs his friends, however few there might be left. There was a painting on the wall. Some ballerinas. He bet Clarke would know the name of it and the artist’s name and the artist’s hometown and some other useless stuff. God he missed her. He hated being alone. But he didn’t hate her yet. 

There was a window in his door. He could see another room across the hall. No one was looking out that window. He sighed. He was alone. Wait! No, that’s Harper!

“Harper!” he yelled, and he could see her yelling too, but he couldn’t hear her. Dammit. A man in a protective suit of some kind popped into Jasper’s view. Right in front of his door. Opening his door.

“Who the hell are you!?” Jasper said, backing into a corner. He was scared. He was brave around his friends sure. But alone, Jasper felt powerless. 

The man turned out to be the president of the Mountain. Because apparently they are in fucking Mount Weather. Which apparently is still up and running as a sanctuary for people. Because apparently the radiation outside kills them. Which apparently is why they were in those weird white rooms as a quarantine. Apparently.

Jasper didn’t like this president guy so much, but he did like the girl who took his blood pressure and gave him a small smile while el presidente explained the mountain. She was cute.

“Maya, will you take Jasper to go get some food? I am going to go check with Dr. Tsing about when the next kid is scheduled for release.” The velvet jacket wearing man said. Maya. Her name was Maya.

She nodded and started to walk away, only looking back to see if he was following. They talked. Jasper was the first one to pass the radiation quarantine. She had never met an outsider before. They got food in a mess hall. Damn, they had good cake. They talked of space and of the earth and of the mountain. He made a friend. He was not alone. 

The other kids joined him one by one. Harper being the first. They had hugged, but quickly all of Jasper’s attention was back on his new friend. It seemed like almost everyone was here. Everyone but the ones he cared the most about. Bellamy, Finn, Monty, Raven, Octavia and Clarke. 

Then Monty came. He had seen Clarke. They had been in rooms across from each other. Jasper smiled. They were all going to be okay. Maya stood up, lightly squeezed Jasper’s shoulder and left for her work assignment. 

This was good. They had food. They were healthy. They left their problems of the outside with grounder outside.

Clarke had to mess that up. She had held a shard of glass to Maya’s throat. Jasper had almost laughed at that. It was so classic Clarke to be trying to save them from an enemy that didn’t even exist. She couldn’t help it. 

But she wouldn’t let it go. She couldn’t see that they were finally safe. That she did save them. 

“You saved us, Clarke. We are all safe now.” He pleaded.

“Not all of us.” She was never going to be okay with the fact that she didn’t save everyone. She had to keep trying to save the ones that were alive. Jasper couldn’t make her see that they didn’t need saving.

It broke his heart to hear that “Mom” had been locked up in the psych ward. It broke his heart, but it almost didn’t surprise him. He wasn’t so sure that she would ever know how to let go of her savior streak. He once loved that about her, but now it was preventing them from being truly safe in the mountain. He didn’t hate her though; he worried about her. 

He started spending more and more time with Maya. She was there, and so Jasper didn’t have to be alone. She was kind and she was safe. She didn’t running off trying to stop leaders or fight grounders. She lived her life. He liked Maya. He liked her a lot.

He didn’t have to think twice about giving Maya the blood transfusion, even though Monty was adamant that it was a bad idea. 

Maya showed him the grounders in the cages. Fuck. Clarke was right. There was something wrong about this mountain. The story was that she had escaped. It had annoyed Jasper because he didn’t want the kids to be kicked out of the Mountain, but now he was so happy. She could save them.

He kissed Maya. 

Then Harper disappeared. Then Monty. And fuck it, Jasper was going to do something stupid. 

Taking a sword to President Wallace was definitely stupid. But it worked. He got Monty and Harper back and they were going to leave the mountain. Until they weren’t.

Something had changed. But Bellamy is there. He knows it. Miller doesn’t believe him. 

They are taking them for their bone marrow, but the radio message worked. Bellamy was there, and Clarke was coming with an army of Grounders. He knew it. He knew Clarke would save them. 

They fought, but it wasn’t good enough. Then the breach happened. And fuck. There was no way that bitch Tsing was going to get out of there. Level 5 was theirs now. Then it wasn’t. But Maya got help. He loved her. 

Shit. They needed more help. He had no idea what was going on outside, but they needed help. They needed Clarke. 

Then she was there. With Octavia. Who teases them and it almost feels like those moments before getting speared. They were happy. They were together. He hugged Clarke. He wanted to say I’m sorry and please just save us like you do. Because he didn’t hate her yet, in fact he thought she was going to be their goddamn savior.

But she wasn’t. Clarke didn’t save them. She killed. She killed Dante. Who had been a bastard at times, but helped them. She killed everyone in the mountain. She killed Maya. She killed Maya.

Yeah, Clarke saved Jasper. But fucking hell, Jasper didn’t want to be saved if Maya couldn’t. Maya was good. Maya was innocent. She made Jasper so far from alone. He was happy with her, even in grave danger they were happy together.

And Clarke took that away. 

“None of us is innocent” were Maya’s last words.

Jasper disagrees. Maya was innocent. She just lived in a bad place. She couldn’t help that, and then when she could help it, she did everything in her power to make it right. She was one of them. Clarke killed her. 

Yes, Monty and Bellamy helped but everyone knows it was Clarke’s idea. She is the smart one. She is the one who planned all their strategies. They wouldn’t have done it, if not for Clarke Griffin. 

And also, he didn’t rely on Monty and Bellamy to save him, he relied on Clarke. She betrayed him. She was supposed to keep him safe and save the ones they care about. She failed him. 

Clarke didn’t save Maya. She didn’t save them all.

Jasper was alone. He was so alone

Jasper hates Clarke. He hates Clarke. He hates hates hates her.


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper hates Clarke and he tells the group so.  
> Leading to crying and reminiscing and resolutions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. I am not sure how I feel about this second half. I kind of took a hiatus from fic writing because of how shitty I think I am at it. But I am kind of saying fuck it and putting this out there. I know POV is wonky. I know dialogue is annoying. I know it moves pretty quickly from hatred to not hatred, but again I kind of don't give a fuck. In my head it all makes, but I know I do not translate my thoughts and fic ideas into actual writing, so do not take this too seriously. 
> 
> I guess... enjoy?

They had been back at Camp Jaha for all of 3 hours before hell broke loose. Jasper sighed. It probably had to do with goddamn Clarke trying to goddamn fix everything. But nooooo. She has the deadly touch. Everything she touches dies. Goddamn dies. 

Jasper might have cracked open a jar or two (or three) of moonshine in those three hours. He was sitting by a fire. Harper was somewhat nearby talking to Monty and Miller. But Jasper was pointedly ignoring Monty. 

“WHAT THE FUCK BELLAMY!” A voice screeched, causing the few people milling about to look at the entrance to the Ark. “GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE.” It was Raven. Wick was holding her side. She was vehemently trying to catch Bellamy who was determinedly walking away.

He sat down at the fire. No one spoke to him. The cursing of Raven was getting louder and louder and she and Wick approached.

“You have to explain this. What the fuck do you mean Clarke left?” Raven had composed herself a smidge. Jasper tried not to be interested in his response. But everyone was waiting on edge to hear what he would say.

“She left. She might come back; she might not. That is the extent of my knowledge on the subject, so now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get drunk and forget for a while.” Bellamy used his rebel leader voice.

Jasper should have stayed quiet at this point. But ya know three jars into the moonshine tends to make a lad forget to be tactful. And goddamn Jasper hated her.

“Good fucking riddance.”

The silence that followed Jasper’s slightly slurred declaration was deafening. (Please excuse the cliché, drunk Jasper tends to think in clichés.)

“What?” Harper broke the silence.

Unwilling to let it go, because he fucking hated Clarke. He just had to speak up again. “I said, good fucking riddance. We are better off without the murderous bitch anyways.”

Had it been anyone else, Bellamy probably would have decked ‘em for calling anyone of the 100 a bitch, let alone Clarke. But to hear these words coming from Jasper, they were all too shocked really to respond. So Jasper continued. 

“She is not a princess. She is a cold-hearted bitch who does whatever the fuck she fucking wants. The bitch.” Well now Jasper was too angry and too drunk to really be making a compelling argument for the wretchedness of Clarke Griffin. “I hate her.”

Surprisingly, Wick was the first to actually respond. (Well it is not too surprising when you think about how easily Clarke made people love her. Jasper had been down that path himself. )

“Dude, you have had too much to drink and you aren’t thinking clearly. You’ve been in a mountain; you don’t know the whole story. You don’t get to blame Clarke.” Wick said slowly and calmly like he was talking down a crazy person. Which he kind of was.

“Whatever.” Jasper took a swig of his moonshine and then wobbled to get more. When he got back to the fire, he had hoped the conversation would have moved on from Clarke. But no such luck. 

“She is really hurting from all this. Maybe she just needs some time to herself?” Monty was saying as Jasper rejoined the small circle that joined around the fire. He rolled his eyes, but kept his mouth shut.

“Hey Raven,” Harper piped up, “Where are Murphy and Finn? I thought they would be here too.”

Bellamy, Wick, Raven and Monroe (when did she get here? Jasper absentmindedly thought) exchanged a look. Raven closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Murphy went off to some wack-ass promised land with god-complex ridden Jaha.” She took another deep breath, Wick squeezed her shoulders with the arm he had casually thrown across her. It seemed to give her some sort of strength to say what came next. “Finn is dead. He massacred a village. The commander called for his death. Clarke spared him, by killing him before he could suffer the pain of the eighteen deaths he took, as the grounders would have done.” 

It sounded recited. It sounded like Raven had been working that out in her head. 

The words flew out of Jasper’s mouth before he could stop them, “She really is a murderous bitch. I really don’t understand why all of you don’t fucking hate her like I do.”

“Shut up Jasper! Clarke is the singlehanded reason you are alive here today. Finn brought on his own death. He lost it and he killed a village. Blood must have blood. Clarke gave him the most humane death possible. And I did hate her for it, but she did what had to be done.” Raven was tearing up and that was a fucking scary thing to see. Nearly as scary as the death stare that Wick had on Jasper for making Raven relive all this painful shit.

But Jasper pushed further.

“But it is goddamn Clarke. She was supposed to be better than this! She was supposed to save us all! She should have saved Finn! She should have saved Fox! She should have saved MAYA! SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEP PEOPLE ALIVE, NOT KILL THEM!” He was shouting and flinging his arm and his moonshine all around in his rage.

Bellamy stood up, and took a step towards Jasper. Aw shit, Jasper thought. Now I’m going to get decked.

But he didn’t hit Jasper. Instead, he wrapped his arms around him in a hug. Jasper collapsed into the taller man’s arms. Goddamn Bellamy really did act like a dad sometimes. And he cried and he cried.

“It’s not fair. It’s not goddamn fair that Maya is dead.” He mumbled into Bellamy.

“I know. I know. It sucks. It is the worst ever. But Jasper, you have to understand. Clarke is only human. We all tend to put this pressure on her for her to save us all. Because she is so goddamn smart, and intuitive and clever. And good. She is a good person who really did want to save everyone she could. But she couldn’t. And that is breaking her.” Bellamy said in steady and calculated voice. Loud enough for only the immediate few around the fire to hear.

“She didn’t want to stay with us. She didn’t want to see the ghosts on our faces. The people she didn’t save. She feels like she let us all down. She takes on the blame of all the death so we don’t have to.” He added on.

Raven spoke up, her face clear of tears. “She loves too goddamn much.” She snickered. And no one could help the smiles on their faces. Jasper pulled away from Bellamy, and Bellamy gave him a pat on the back and a meaningful nod. 

“Remember back on our first days on Earth, you weren’t there Jasper, the grounders still had you. But Clarke she was gathering a rescue team to go get you,” Miller said to Jasper, and then turned to Bellamy, “And I don’t know what she said to you man, to get you to go along, but you look like a combination of on verge of pissing your pants or following her to the ends of the earth. She was badass.”

“I can’t remember what she said, but damn she was brave.” Bellamy smiled at the fire.

Raven snickered again, “I can see that so perfectly.”

“Well you guys missed when she held Maya hostage.” Jasper started. He paused, blinked back a tear, and continued, “She was still in quarantine when she saw Monty was gone. Maya was cleaning his room, and she broke through her window, and held the glass to her throat in the cafeteria. Demanding to see her people. Maya was terrified. But she told me later that she had never seen anyone break out of quarantine before, she was impressed.” 

Jasper was on the verge of crying again, when Monty put his arm around his shoulder and said, “Clarke also tore open her own stitches on a rusty bed to get into the infirmary for a fact finding mission. That was the last we saw of her. They told us she was in the psych ward. Maya helped us figure out otherwise.”

“She is insane. Who the fuck cuts their arm up just to investigate a place? You guys should have seen her when she got back to Camp Jaha. She looked like hell. The guards almost shot her, like they shot Anya.” Wick added. 

“Hey O, Lincoln! Come join us.” Bellamy called out. “We are reminiscing about Clarke.”

“Why? She is not dead.” Octavia said with a bit of a sneer. Well that was unexpected.

“Octavia is trying to deal with the fact she yelled at Clarke for saving Bellamy. She know realizes she was in the wrong.” Lincoln said as if this was something that they had just been talking about. “We were just looking for her now, to apologize, right Octavia?”

She grunted in response, looking slightly embarrassed which contrasted greatly with her extremely hard-core grounder gear. 

“Clarke left.” Monty said gently. 

“Oh.” Lincoln looked pensive. “Well, I hope she finds what she is looking for.”

“So, reminiscing… Did anyone ever tell you guys about when Clarke set Emerson free?” Octavia smirked. This was clearly a fond memory. “Kane and Abby were being dumb as all fuck about the Emerson situation. Indra and the grounders wanted to kill him. Kane and Abby wanted to reason with him. So Clarke...” Octavia laughed. “Fucking Clarke went behind their backs to Indra and me, and got us to be her muscle as she set Emerson free to send a message to Cage. Abby was livid. And Clarke was so badass. She was all ‘You might be the chancellor, but I’m in charge.’ It was awesome. And then she let the air out of Emerson’s tank so he had to rush back to Mount Weather.”

The gang all smiled at the image of Clarke commanding the respect of grounders and telling off her mom who was still clinging to old Ark ways. 

“I know you all must be worried about Clarke, but I can tell you I have never met a person who was more determined and loving. She really takes people in. I can hardly believe how quickly the commander took to her.” Lincoln added his two cents.

“You know she fought off a gorilla-thing that was attacking her and the Commander?” Miller added, having heard the story from his father. 

“And when she stopped the grounders from killing Raven?” Bellamy piped up.

“Wait what!?” Monty threw a concerned look at Raven.

“They thought I poisoned the moonshine as a revenge, turned out to be a plan to kill an alliance between the sky people and grounders.” Raven shrugged. “Thanks to our own Nancy Drew, Clarke and her trusty assistant Bellamy, I was saved. They couldn’t seem to do it before I was cut up a little though. I tried not to take that personally.”

Bellamy stuck his tongue out at Raven. 

“She saved Octavia from the grounders too you know.” Lincoln pointed out.

“Yeah, wait, no. When did she do that? Certainly not at Tondc.” Octavia retorted.

“Lexa put out a hit on you because she thought you were troublesome---”

“Which you are.” Bellamy interrupted. 

“Which she is.” Lincoln continued. “Clarke apparently brought the guard sent to kill you back with a knife at his throat. A man twice her size who she kicked to the ground at Lexa’s feet. A man who life she traded for the promise of your safety.” 

“How do you know this?” Octavia whispered, not for a need of privacy, but for the fact she was still absorbing the information that the girl she yelled at for not being and doing good enough had done so much more than she knew of. 

“Indra was very impressed with the Sky Princess and less so with a Commander who goes back on her word.” Lincoln said leaning into Octavia to comfort her.

“Clarke can certainly scheme like no other.” Miller carried the conversation away from the sore area it had drifted into.

“I remember back at the dropship, when I first saw Clarke after I woke with the medicine, and she said to that she couldn’t deal with me not surviving that day.” Jasper’s voice cracked. “I really didn’t know what she meant. All I knew was that this girl would do anything to keep us safe.”

Bellamy hung his head, and proclaimed, “No one else knows this besides me and Clarke, but that was the day she killed Atom.” At the sight of the original 100’s eyes widening to cartoon proportions, he quickly went on, “It was the most merciful thing I had ever seen, until Finn’s death. Atom had gotten caught in the Acid Fog, which is how we told you he died, but he was still alive when we found him. Gasping for breath and asking for us to kill him. I couldn’t do it. Clarke did. She ran her hands through his hair and sang a song. She made him feel loved, and then she helped him. She stabbed him in the neck.”

There was silence following that. Sure, some of the group had no idea who Atom was, but they certainly knew the told that killing took on someone. Clarke had done it so many times. To protect her people. To save her people. 

“She is one of the most caring people. You know she shot me once?” Jasper nearly snorted at the dichotomy of those two sentences, but contained himself as Lincoln carefully moved the conversation forwards. “One of the Mountain Men who got the bone treatment was sent to scout Tondc for the targets of the bomb. He had me at gunpoint, I told her to go and save her people and she shot through my shoulder into his heart saying I was her people.”

Octavia smiled at Lincoln. “You are one of us. Not a sky person. A member of the 100. You too Wick and Raven.”

“We protect our own.” Wick said with a seriousness that was uncharacteristic of him.

A silence fell over the group that was surprisingly comfortable. Everyone had their own things to think about. Jasper was thinking about hating Clarke. And missing Maya. And blaming Clarke.

He felt he was supposed to hate Clarke. The love of his life was dead because of her actions. But it was getting really hard to think of it that simply. It wasn’t so black and white. 

Can you save someone if it hurts another? Can you hurt someone if it saves another? Jasper was immensely grateful all of sudden that he didn’t need to face those decisions personally. Clarke did. (and Bellamy and Monty, but to a lesser degree. We all know who the mastermind behind the plans was.)

Clarke had to make decisions that were tearing her apart. She made those decisions to save her people from the pain of doing it themselves. Jasper was slowly coming to a resolve.

“We need to be ready.” The group looked to Jasper who was speaking with conviction and sounding more sober than he had in hours. “For when she comes back. I goddamn hate that Maya is dead. But I don’t know and I don’t want to wallow in the possibilities of other outcomes. I want to move forward for Clarke. She left thinking that leaving us alone was just another thing she had to do to save us. We need to show that for once there was no hesitation about that decision. We need to show her she did the right thing by leaving to heal, that taking on that burden was the right thing. We owe her that much. We can make this one decision a little less burdensome for her.”

Bellamy clapped the younger boy on the shoulder and gave him an encouraging smile. 

Jasper added one more thing with a goofy smile, (because really he wouldn’t be Jasper if he didn’t), “She might be a murderous bitch, but she is our murderous bitch.”

That hand that just clapped him on the shoulder now pushed him off the log he was sitting on.

Maybe Jasper didn’t hate Clarke after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, let me know if you did.
> 
> Again I don't give a fuck (or at least I am telling myself that) I am doing this for me.
> 
> (and I will be saying that on repeat until I believe it.)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments? Kudos? Typos?
> 
> Seriously though, I read over this like once. Does anyone else have a major problem reading over their own work?
> 
> Part II should be up within three days.


End file.
